Movies can be a reflection of our society. Not just the literal depiction of the time and place in which we live, but also our attitudes toward it. The way you as a filmmaker present social elements says just as much about our culture as the onscreen content does. This is especially true of how relationships are depicted. The approach you use communicates certain messages to audiences now and in the future about love and everything that goes along with it.
This is why it can be so important to get the depiction of modern relationships on film right. It’s not just a matter of creating an accurate time capsule. When you make errors in your presentation here, it impacts the credibility of the production, can throw off your storytelling, and may cause harm to communities.
So, how can you best go about showing modern relationships in your films? Let’s review a few main areas for you to focus on.
Question Everything
A relationship shouldn’t just be a trait that acts as a form of narrative accessory to your characters. For it to truly resonate, the depiction of a relationship needs to come from an authentic and well-considered place. This means you need to start asking some serious questions about what you’re doing and why. Consider your motives for utilizing each specific relationship in your story — what are you trying to communicate with their depictions and how do they serve the story?
It can also be helpful to think about the relationship from the perspective of the characters. This can add an element of authenticity to the decisions you make on their behalf in your depiction. If you’re following a contemporary couple considering getting married, for instance, you could explore the thoughts and concerns that would go into making this decision. It’s not just a case of do they want to get married. There’s also consideration about what the reason for getting married is and why they would choose to marry that specific partner. They might even query whether they’re at the right stage of their relationship to think seriously about marriage. These questions can not only help you to get to the core of your characters, but also helps you to build a more empathetic characterisation of them as humans.
Realism vs Fantasy
On-screen fantasy romance in itself is not a bad thing. Escapism is a mainstay of cinemas, and it can make for commercially successful productions. However, many filmmakers depict the key elements of relationships as unrealistic or featuring outdated and cliched elements. Rather, if you’re creating romantic escapism, it should be the setting and narrative that feature elements of the fantastical, while the elements of the modern relationship are depicted with the same honesty, integrity, and respect you would in a realistic setting. In recent years, we’ve seen this done well in Warm Bodies (2013), which has the fantastical elements of not only a zombie apocalypse setting and the star-crossed situation of the protagonists, yet the filmmakers ground this with genuine emotions and relatable depictions of modern romantic bonding.
It’s important, too, to be cognisant of how easy it can be for fantastical romantic elements to slip into movies that are meant to be depictions of reality. This doesn’t necessarily mean your moving emotional narrative is likely to unexpectedly veer into a musical number. But it’s common to include aspects that don’t ring true with audiences. Even something as simple as unrealistic living circumstances of the depicted couple can be jarring.
For instance, if your narrative follows a Millennial couple, bear in mind that though they may have professional careers, they are unlikely to own their own homes. The reality of Millennial adulthood is one featuring high levels of debt and couples living in smaller spaces. If your film shows contemporary couples living it up in expensive homes that they own, your audience — particularly of that generation — are likely to disengage. Let’s face it, the movie Neighbors, (2015) in which Seth Rogen and Rose Byrne own a large suburban home and care for a young child without some form of prevalent financial concern, is fantasy bordering on the absurd!
Avoid Stereotypes
One of the primary crimes filmmakers tend to commit when depicting contemporary on-screen relationships is adherence to stereotypes. This is usually referring to cultural segments with which they have no first-hand experience. Indeed, a history of poor depictions of LGBT+ relationships has had a perpetuating effect on society’s views. Film is filled with examples of continually poor stereotypes — including the cruel representation of step-parents, the expectations of women’s roles in relationships, and the fetishisation of Asian women. The use of such representations is lazy, harmful, and does nothing good for the impact your project has on cinema or society.
It may be the case that you have nothing but good intentions in this regard. However, it’s important to accept your perspectives may be coloured by unconscious personal biases and a historical bombardment of poor social education. Having conversations with people from the communities you intend to depict is a good start. Better, though, is diversity in your crew. If you’re telling the story of a relationship featuring cultural or social elements you don’t share, make sure there is representation in your production to give input. Make it clear, too, that you encourage an open dialogue, and your production is a safe space for any crew member to speak out about misrepresentations.
Conclusion
Relationships on film can be a reflection of our times and can inform our cultural understanding of love in our contemporary society. It’s therefore important that, as a filmmaker, you take the time to ask questions about your depictions of relationships, find the appropriate balance of fantasy and reality, and steer clear of harmful stereotypes. What audiences want and need from on-screen relationships will always vary, but being mindful of proceeding honestly and with integrity can ensure you have the most positive impact.
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